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KT was probably too young to remember the “boring boring Arsenal” tag the club carried around with them for so long. Most people thought it was because of their 1-0 wins back in the day when in fact it is that Arsenal fans are fucking stone-cold boring as fuck. 

Tierney enjoyed a good relationship with Celtic fans, he had more songs sung about him in a few seasons than Arsenal fans have made up since their foundation in 1886. KT has just realised Gooners are only passionate about their team when they are pissy moaning about how they used to be invincible.

Allegedly on a phone call to one of his Burberry crew back home, KT couldn’t hide his shock not only that Arsenal fans only have two chants but that the two of them are pure shite.

One of them goes………..”Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal” the other is on an Oscar Wilde poetry level, it goes something like “We love you Arsenal we do, we love you Arsenal we do, oooohhhhh Arsenal we love you” 

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If your out of work and stuck for a few quid The Newest Rangers Football Club are looking to hire a bunch of shredding engineers ahead of their upcoming AGM’s, Court cases and tax returns. A full classified ad is due to appear in Scottish newspapers over the next few days but our guy on the inside has shared some of the requirements before the jobs go live. 

In total there will be fifteen positions available, the job is a three-week contract and you need an offshore bank account to be paid into……eventually. If you are interested in applying for a position please email wonkyeye@rangers.com 

It is probably worth mentioning that last years shredding team all died in completely unsuspicious circumstances. 

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The SFA are pissed off with Tommy Boyd, they are so pissed they are going to bring in an independent and impartial party to deal with the ex-Celtic players ludicrous comments about loyal referee John Beaton. 

The clever suits will import Grand Master William Mason II from Belfast to launch an independent inquiry into the Fenian commentator. Mason is expected to land in Scotland on Thursday by horse and hopes to have his findings wrapped up by tea team to catch the game.

The SFA released a statement using morse code only moments ago. They basically said they are so raging with Tam Boyd’s comments on Celtic TV that it would be better for everyone if the incident was examined by an outsider. The Word from headquarters is that they believe that John Beaton is entitled to be a season ticket holder at Ibrox. Just because he is a staunch member of the Union Bears and likes to down a few pints in the Crown Bar doesn’t give Boyd the right to be shooting his mouth off.  

Tom Boyd has not made any comments as yet but close friends said he doesn’t give a single fuck. 

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It has been an emotional day for Celtic fans after they lost their favourite son to boring boring Arsenal. For one fan though it all got too much as he exploded in a local cafe.

Kevin Peters or Big Kev as he is known by his pals has been living in fear for the past two months with the possible sale of his favourite Celt, Kieran Tierney. When news broke last night that Celtic had accepted a bid from the Londoners Kev went on an immediate downer.

The big fella seemed distant with a vacant stare over the past few days to the point where a few of his mates started to worry about him. With that in mind, his pals invited him down for a coffee to his local cafe. All seemed well with the lads in good spirits until Kev flipped a table screaming at one of his pals…

“Say Can He Play Left-Back Again And I’ll Smash Your Face In”

Apparently big Kev is sick to death of people and there can he play left-back patter. Today was the wrong time and the wrong place for the one-liner that has been getting overplayed for the past couple of months. 

If you like to say “can he play left-back” ten times a day be warned, there are plenty more Big Kev’s out there having none of it.