KT was probably too young to remember the “boring boring Arsenal” tag the club carried around with them for so long. Most people thought it was because of their 1-0 wins back in the day when in fact it is that Arsenal fans are fucking stone-cold boring as fuck.
Tierney enjoyed a good relationship with Celtic fans, he had more songs sung about him in a few seasons than Arsenal fans have made up since their foundation in 1886. KT has just realised Gooners are only passionate about their team when they are pissy moaning about how they used to be invincible.
Allegedly on a phone call to one of his Burberry crew back home, KT couldn’t hide his shock not only that Arsenal fans only have two chants but that the two of them are pure shite.
One of them goes………..”Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal” the other is on an Oscar Wilde poetry level, it goes something like “We love you Arsenal we do, we love you Arsenal we do, oooohhhhh Arsenal we love you”
If your out of work and stuck for a few quid The Newest Rangers Football Club are looking to hire a bunch of shredding engineers ahead of their upcoming AGM’s, Court cases and tax returns. A full classified ad is due to appear in Scottish newspapers over the next few days but our guy on the inside has shared some of the requirements before the jobs go live.
In total there will be fifteen positions available, the job is a three-week contract and you need an offshore bank account to be paid into……eventually. If you are interested in applying for a position please email email@example.com
It is probably worth mentioning that last years shredding team all died in completely unsuspicious circumstances.
The SFA are pissed off with Tommy Boyd, they are so pissed they are going to bring in an independent and impartial party to deal with the ex-Celtic players ludicrous comments about loyal referee John Beaton.
The clever suits will import Grand Master William Mason II from Belfast to launch an independent inquiry into the Fenian commentator. Mason is expected to land in Scotland on Thursday by horse and hopes to have his findings wrapped up by tea team to catch the game.
The SFA released a statement using morse code only moments ago. They basically said they are so raging with Tam Boyd’s comments on Celtic TV that it would be better for everyone if the incident was examined by an outsider. The Word from headquarters is that they believe that John Beaton is entitled to be a season ticket holder at Ibrox. Just because he is a staunch member of the Union Bears and likes to down a few pints in the Crown Bar doesn’t give Boyd the right to be shooting his mouth off.
Tom Boyd has not made any comments as yet but close friends said he doesn’t give a single fuck.
It has been an emotional day for Celtic fans after they lost their favourite son to boring boring Arsenal. For one fan though it all got too much as he exploded in a local cafe.
Kevin Peters or Big Kev as he is known by his pals has been living in fear for the past two months with the possible sale of his favourite Celt, Kieran Tierney. When news broke last night that Celtic had accepted a bid from the Londoners Kev went on an immediate downer.
The big fella seemed distant with a vacant stare over the past few days to the point where a few of his mates started to worry about him. With that in mind, his pals invited him down for a coffee to his local cafe. All seemed well with the lads in good spirits until Kev flipped a table screaming at one of his pals…
“Say Can He Play Left-Back Again And I’ll Smash Your Face In”
Apparently big Kev is sick to death of people and there can he play left-back patter. Today was the wrong time and the wrong place for the one-liner that has been getting overplayed for the past couple of months.
If you like to say “can he play left-back” ten times a day be warned, there are plenty more Big Kev’s out there having none of it.
Those boring bastards in London might be able to flash the cash and think that money can get them anything they want and in fairness, they are not far wrong. So, as a precaution lets all start an internet rumour that Keiran Tierney’s knee is absolutely fucked, forever.
The story goes like this…
One of the Celtic ground staffs son is pumping a physician from the Royal College of Surgeons in Glasgow. She was part of a team that only recently examined Tierney’s knee and the results that came back stated that KT’s knee is absolutely fucked.
Like any old fashioned rumour feel free to add in your own bits but don’t start going mental with over the top shit. We have 48 hours to get this rumour down to London all we need to do is plant a seed and cause doubt.
Over to you Fenians.
Sky Sports news is tonight reporting that an offer of 67 million quid has been scoffed at by the suits at Celtic Park.
Peter Lawwell is said to have spit coffee all over his fleck suit when he opened the email from Chinese newcomers FC Sofaking Poon Tang.
It is believed that the Celtic boardroom is not completely closed to the idea of letting Hendry go but only if their valuation of the youngster is met.
More than likely Jack will go out on loan for the season, he’s afraid of flying so England is more likely a destination.
Sky Sports is the most reliable news source in the world of sport.
Ibrox season ticket holder Bobby Madden has warned Celtic fans that 55 is coming for the Rangers as the SFA have brought in new rules that will allow whistlers to get away with even more blue murder than last season.
The big juiced up staunch bastard felt the need to take to social media after the new rules were announced to let the Tims know that 55 was coming. The tweet has since been deleted.
The new rules will give refs endless possibilities to increase the Rangers chances of winning something silver. Last season the Ibrox club made it into the Guinness Book of World Records after they got six penalties in thirty minutes.
We haven’t personally read the rules but from what we understand Scott Brown features heavily in the new guidelines. To summerise, any acting the bollocks out of Brown will lead to a Rangers peno even if they are not playing Celtic.
With these latest developments, bookies are no longer taking bets on 50 million pound man James Tavenier finishing the season as top goalscorer.
If you have ever had to hide behind the couch while the TV licence man or an ex-girlfriend is hammering away at your door you’ll get a sense of what it has been like for Celtic fans for the past few weeks.
A skint Arsenal club were acting like a bunch of fucking self-righteous religious nut jobs banging down the front door at Celtic Park trying to prise away the crown jewel. Fair play to the lads behind the couch who didn’t entertain the Londoners insulting offers.
Luckily last night they finally got the message and pissed off back down to England to finish outside the top four but inside the top ten to their soulless fans in the greatest league in the world ever.
For now, it looks like KT is here for nine in a row, unless, them slippy bastard Italians start showing up at the front door. FFS.
CELTIC have reportedly pulled the plug on Danny Simpson coming in to speak to the club it has emerged.
The Englishman and Premier League winner was supposed to be joining up with the Celtic squad this week so Neil Lennon could run the rule over the defender but according to SunSport that plan has now been scrapped.
Celtic fans are everywhere and if the Spanish town of Bennicasim didn’t know that before this weekend, they will now!
The annual music festival in Benicassim is a popular one among many festival goers and it looks like a good amount of Celtic fans have made the trip over for the four day festival.